“The hidden difference between how male and female executives ask for help”
| Coach as Entrepreneur

Alexandra: When I meet with men, especially senior executive leaders, the first conversation usually goes like this: “I’m great. I’ve been managing people for the last 200 years. I know it all. But tell me, Alexandra, what could you offer me? How will this coaching work?” That’s usually the attitude. With women, it’s the opposite. Women come to coaching and give you a list of their challenges and areas of opportunity that they’ve already reflected on and know exactly what they should do differently.

David: My guest today has coached executives and expats across 30-plus countries from Moscow to Mumbai to Miami. Alexandra Papova is a PCC with 15 years of leading organizational development in some of the world's fastest-moving environments. Welcome to Coach as Entrepreneur, the show for coaches building real businesses with systems, strategy, and heart. Alexandra, welcome to the show.

Alexandra: Thank you for having me, David. I’m really happy to be here.

David: I’m excited to have this conversation with you. You are probably one of the youngest, most accomplished coaches I've met to date. I’m excited to find out how you got into coaching because no one grows up thinking, “When I’m five years old, I want to become a coach.” What did you want to do when you were growing up?

Alexandra: At one point, I wanted to be a fashion designer for a few years when I was a teenager. That was my longest era of clarity, but other than that, I wanted to be a doctor or an astronaut, the standard things when you're in kindergarten.

David: So you went from fashion designer and astronaut to coach. What was the journey like? What was your corporate journey into coaching?

Alexandra: It actually started while I was at university. I started working for an international NGO called AIESEC, which is how everything started for me professionally. I used to focus on leadership development, sales, partnerships, negotiations, event management, and community engagement. I received feedback from my team and peer managers that I was good at coaching people and helping them grow. At one point, I thought, "This seems to be a trend; it comes naturally to me." When people asked me what I did with my team, I would say, “I don’t know. I just talk to them.” I started focusing on that feedback and partnered with a professional coach to join his business as he was expanding from one-on-one clients to corporate market offerings. This experience was my entry into the coaching world.

David: So you weren't intentionally looking to work with a coach; you started with an NGO and got pulled into this.

Alexandra: Yes, I got pulled in by his personality more than what he was actually doing.

David: I can understand that. I kind of fell into the coaching world by accident as well. Someone needed help, you had the skills, and you were willing to help them. Through happenstance, you started to work with them, got interested in what they were doing, and things evolved from there. Do you think there’s anything in your past, in your childhood, that helped you develop those innate coaching skills that people recognized in you?

Alexandra: I think I always had the quality of not necessarily accepting the status quo and always challenging or asking questions. I was curious about other people and asked questions like, “Why do you believe this? How does this make sense to you? Tell me more about that.” That quality definitely helped me to be good at what I do now.

David: Have you watched Ted Lasso, the TV show?

Alexandra: I watched the first season.

David: There's a scene where he's talking about being curious. It’s a simple but powerful and effective tool to learn because most people tend to be self-centered. Learning to develop curiosity for other people is something not many people do.

Alexandra: I agree. The deepest relationships in my life were built on curiosity. My best friends and I are opposites. Our friendship, having known each other for more than ten years, is based on the idea of, “You’re so different. Tell me more about it.” Talking to people who are different makes life interesting and opens you up to the world.

David: When you're working as a coach, that curiosity is a valuable skill. How does it help you with your clients?

Alexandra: I honestly believe curiosity is the main quality every coach should have. Without it, there is no interaction or coaching. It’s essential to step back and understand your own biases, triggers, and narratives while focusing on the person in front of you. You need to understand how they see life and their perspectives.

David: Let’s backtrack. You were working with a coach before you became a coach. What was that transition like? You could have continued supporting that coach, but you decided to become one yourself. What prompted that?

Alexandra: I was inspired by him. I looked up to him and thought, "This is amazing. When I grow up and become a strong independent woman, what do I need to do in my life to be closer to this?" I enjoyed observing him and the impact he had on his clients. I decided that I should explore coaching myself. I got my postgraduate degree in coaching, took various trainings, and started working with clients. This was the beginning for me.

David: I’m curious about your experience with senior executives. Did you find it challenging to work with clients, or did your age become a positive factor?

Alexandra: I didn't start with executives; I evolved into that role. I have a parallel corporate career where I managed cross-functional teams across different countries. I understand the corporate dynamic and have been in senior leadership positions, so I know how everything works. That experience helps me have conversations with senior executives because I get what they’re going through.

David: Can you explain your professional corporate background?

Alexandra: My main focus has been talent organizational development and HR. I worked in startups and large international corporations, where I was responsible for the learning and development department across nine countries in Latin America and the Caribbean. This senior management experience gives me the corporate perspective I can bring to my consulting and coaching.

David: Your background separates you from many younger coaches entering the industry. After 12 years in the coaching industry, I’ve seen an increase in the number of coaches. The median age of coaches has been decreasing, and many are coming right out of school or with only a few years of experience. They often lack the same background and experience you have, which adds to your credibility and skill level.

Alexandra: I agree. Since I was two years old, I’ve been the youngest person in the room. For example, when I started dance classes, the teacher suggested I work with older kids because doing it with my age group would be boring for me. So I’ve always been in situations where I've been the youngest person.

David: That’s a huge advantage because you can learn quickly from others, but people might not expect much from you based on age.

Alexandra: Yes, totally!

David: I imagine you surprised people when they didn’t expect much from you.

Alexandra: I experience that every time I join a new team. I introduce myself and mention my background, including living abroad and working in three languages. Their reactions make me realize my experiences might not be typical.

David: Your experiences are impressive, and they contribute to your success as a coach. As you started coaching, what challenges did you face?

Alexandra: The classical challenges: Where do I get clients? How do I sell myself? How do I present my value? What makes me different from others in the market? I think everyone faces those questions when starting a new journey.

David: How did you navigate those questions?

Alexandra: I feel like I’m still figuring it out. But I got lucky. Two important aspects helped me. First, my corporate experience provided the right exposure. When I started coaching, former colleagues reached out because they already trusted me and knew what to expect. I didn’t have to sell myself or explain coaching—I was already known.

David: And what’s the second aspect?

Alexandra: At the beginning of my practice, I took three clients for free to build my portfolio. I made sure to select clients carefully. This helped me experience the end-to-end coaching process. I said, "I’m not charging you, but I want to commit to a certain number of sessions and months." This case study built my confidence because it showed I wasn’t just relying on my diploma; I could achieve real results.

David: I love that you built your portfolio through free work with an end goal. You got valuable testimonials and evidence of your work, which is important. What about your former coworkers? The relationships you established helped get you new clients.

Alexandra: Yes, the relationships were crucial for my early success. When considering new clients, I view it as forming a relationship. It’s not just about finding leads; it’s about getting to know the person and building trust.

David: So how do you build trust in those interactions?

Alexandra: You ask questions and provide insights into your coaching philosophy and value. Once clients understand who you are, the conversation can evolve into discussing costs and services.

David: Many coaches dislike marketing, feeling overwhelmed by sales pitches and messages. They don’t want to be seen as pushy. How do you promote your coaching authentically?

Alexandra: I focused on being authentic. I promised myself not to rely on references from other sales and marketing experts and wanted to express my true self. It’s not about having the perfect sales funnel; it’s about being me.

David: I can challenge you on that because while being authentic is crucial, there’s value in learning from successful marketing practices. You can adapt the parts that resonate with you.

Alexandra: I agree. When I started, the marketing and communication aspects felt overwhelming. It was essential for me to prioritize my identity and take the time to figure things out once I was ready.

David: It's wise to focus on what you can control. Solo coaching is different from working in a corporate environment, where you focus solely on one role. With solo coaching, if you focus only on service delivery, how do you find your next client?

Alexandra: The cycle of overthinking can be challenging, so I emphasize the need for prioritization and the right focus to avoid paralysis by analysis.

David: Many new coaches expect a perfect process that guarantees success. What do you tell them?

Alexandra: I say don’t worry about perfection. Just go and try. You’ll figure it out over time. Don’t get stuck in the idea of needing a flawless plan.

David: I was creating a video about the idea of perfection. People often use the need to be perfect as an excuse not to launch their projects.

Alexandra: Yes, I’ve witnessed that. New coaches freeze, thinking they need to commit to a niche permanently. It’s a misconception that they need to make that choice immediately.

David: Have you noticed that coaches often regret their decisions after developing specific niches or services?

Alexandra: Absolutely. I frequently ask coaches how they feel about their website, and only about 5% say they love it. Many put in lots of money and effort but may find their interests have changed once they start delivering coaching.

David: The reality often turns out differently than the initial vision.

Alexandra: Correct. It’s essential to be flexible and gracious with yourself while exploring your journey.

David: You didn’t become a coach to become a marketer, but if you want a sustainable business, you need a solid system while coaching.

Alexandra: Yes, it’s about the concept of “good enough.” It’s okay for things not to be perfect now. I can publish something today and revisit it later.

David: It’s good to understand that it’s okay to just be “good enough” today.

Alexandra: Yes, you need to move forward without fear. Many coaches fear public speaking or the initial steps, but they become more confident with each experience.

David: Running your business can be challenging, especially as a solo coach. What surprised you about that?

Alexandra: I didn’t think much would surprise me, as I had clarity about being self-employed. I do appreciate the gratitude felt when clients reach out with their successes after our discussions.

David: Could you share a specific story of a client who transformed?

Alexandra: One client was going through a career transition and received a job offer two levels higher than her previous position. Though she accepted, she struggled with imposter syndrome. We worked on her self-confidence and navigating uncertainty. After six months, she became a powerful presence who wasn’t afraid of challenges.

David: That’s impressive! You were able to help her realize her potential.

Alexandra: Yes, it’s fulfilling to see clients become aware of their strengths and abilities.

David: I’ve noticed research on men versus women in the workplace. Do you feel that research is accurate regarding imposter syndrome?

Alexandra: Yes, I see differences in my practice. Men often project confidence and see themselves as capable, while women often present lists of challenges and need help recognizing their strengths.

David: So women tend to lack confidence and emphasize what they need to improve.

Alexandra: Yes, it’s a common tendency. Women believe they need to do better, while men often feel they don’t need to improve significantly.

David: There's a need for self-awareness among leaders. How do we facilitate better leadership development?

Alexandra: It's a spectrum where the definition of a “happy medium” differs for each individual. Women often express concern about being perceived negatively, which rarely comes up for men.

David: Society has made strides, but there’s still work to do.

Alexandra: Agreed. We’re seeing more women leaders and CEOs, but the progression remains uneven across industries.

David: Now that you’re solo, how is it managing all aspects of your business?

Alexandra: So far, it has worked as most clients come from recommendations. However, I’m transitioning and prepared to hire a team for business support to focus on coaching.

David: It’s wise to consider redundancies for when you’re unavailable. Coaches often get caught up in day-to-day tasks or forget to plan for the future.

Alexandra: Yes, I think about how to make my business sustainable without relying entirely on me.

David: What are your plans for growth?

Alexandra: I have a few ideas, including online products that don’t require my presence and exploring partnerships with other coaches and consultants.

David: Focusing on your zone of genius is essential. What have you learned about yourself during this process?

Alexandra: I’ve learned the importance of trusting myself and the journey. It’s crucial to acknowledge that progress may not be immediate.

David: It’s different when you're on your own, compared to a team that can lift you during difficult times.

Alexandra: Yes, the isolation can lead to overthinking, so surrounding yourself with a supportive network is vital.

David: Before we wrap up, what advice would you give to someone beginning their coaching journey?

Alexandra: Trust the process and take the pressure off. Allow yourself time to explore without committing immediately. Not every client is meant for you, and that’s okay.

David: Thank you, Alexandra, for joining me today. I’ve really enjoyed this conversation.

Alexandra: Thank you, David.

David: If anyone wants to connect with you, how can they do that?

Alexandra: They can reach out on LinkedIn, Alexandra Papova, or Instagram, Empower Leaders.

David: We’ll include those links in the podcast description. Thank you again, Alexandra.

Alexandra: You too, thank you, David.